Saturday mornings...

Sitting here in a kind of shady part of town the people watching is incredible. Got some tunes in my ear, table with one chair and just watching... People watching has gotta be one of my favorite things to do. To my right is a young couple the female is probably of Latin descent with her mixed boyfriend maybe black and Portuguese and they are obviously having trouble with the relationship. She is doing all of the talking, I read her lips say "I want to be with you". Makes me wonder what he did, but her hands are going, her eyes look as if she was crying and he is silent, popping french fries in his mouth. In front of me is an overweight couple seeming quite comfortable getting harassed by an obviously drunken lady bum. The couple is sitting and this lady is leaning over a rail having an in depth conversation. I imagine its about relation how intently the drunken woman is listening, maybe they are saving her. As I glance back and forth between the dysfunctional relationship and the sermon going on I see a very attractive man holding a mac bag. He's moving it off the table and I think how cute he's holding the bag for his gf then this guy comes to the table. Wow, gorgeous two men, a couple? Oh yes, one woman, two men and the men sat beside each other so cute and touchy feely with each other. Note to self don't look directly to the right, then man is alone and is trying to connect eyes... Who would have thought so much could be going on at Mickey D's? They have very nice furniture in here, the feng shui y is on point, couple of couches, nice comfy chairs, very pleasant workers, just a comfortable place to reflect. Speaking of couches a little older lady with sparse bright red hair decided to lay on the couch like she's about to watch a good movie. I suppose we all need a take a load off, but wow! So many young boys, all the races hanging together its very nice. I don't remember being able to just do whatever I want when I was that age, but I guess the city is different. These boys have H &M bags, so shopping takes place with young boys. I wonder if they try on things and get their friends approval before buying? Probably not... I love the hipster look of the city, so nice. Everyone is soo stylish and free to be unique. Gets me thinkin about raising my children in the city. Would definitely be tough because there is so much to get into, but I suppose if you set the groundwork early then it should be just fine. Before thinking of children I need to think about my husband. My boyfriend and I are going through a little rough patch and its difficult for me. We've been dating for just over 5 years and 1/2 and I have been holding a grudge with him for quite sometime and I'm ready to get over it, but I felt we needed to take a little break so I could get to know myself again and realize what I want. I want him and I know this, but it's a personal thing I'm going through... I look at all these other couples and I wonder if I'm so judgmental of those couples because I know true love and know that they don't have what I have. I miss him, but I've told myself I'm not going to talk to him for a week. Teach him a little lesson, you can't do Jasmine wrong unfortunately! I'm strong, I'm a great girlfriend, and if I wasn't with him it wouldn't take me long to find someone else, because I have a lot to offer, but I wouldn't want to be with anyone else! Sitting here is very lonely and all I can think about is him and how we belong together, I don't want to spend another Saturday morning without him!

Its lookin up baby...

It's sooo crazy how things happen... I think the last blog I posted I was in search for a job that I would love, fingers crossed for Harpo, but eyes open to other opportunities. Well as it turns out I applied and applied and got an interview with a publishing company known as BG&H. I interviewed, got the job and enjoyed my time there for what it was. It was nice to be surrounded by all different people, giving me the chance to learn about different areas in Chicago and hang out with all different personalities. I made a lot of wonderful relationships there, but as far as it being something I can wake up and do for the rest of my life, absolutely not... At work we would constantly get told that if we weren't meeting the goals set for us that it might be time to "start looking at the job postings on craigs list". Now I do not do well with my job constantly getting threatened. If you want me, you want me, but if you don't please get rid of me. I am a female, I have nesting issues and need to feel secure where I am. So with that I started opening my eyes to other things out there. I would start talking with people about my discontent for my job. Trying not to complain of course, but just making sure if anyone heard of anything to give me a holla. As I believe you do know, I was working at the restaurant Sullivan's and our clientele tends to be more businessmen. When I was having the interview with my boss from Sullivan's he asked why of all places would you want to work here? Of course I just moved to the city, so I didn't know why I wanted to work there, but checking out their website and talking to other people I knew it was a definite money maker and I also felt I would be offered my dream job working there. Working in the restaurant business for quite sometime and just being myself, I've learned how to kind of sell myself. Sometimes I don't have to try, but whenever I'm working I try to be very personable so people feel comfortable talking with me and in talking that's how people learn about my dreams and it's all about connections. There would be many times guests would come in and talk with me asking why I would move from the sun to the windy city and a few people would extend themselves through business cards, but nothing I was ever interested in or thought suited me. Well this one day two gentlemen graced my presence and were extremely interested in me and my life. You can tell the difference when someone is genuinely interested and when they have ulterior motives and this was definitely on the positive end. So we got to talking and one gentleman was well known in the radio world in Chicago and gave me his card telling me he would be back and feels I would be great in radio. Of course I was like, hmm that would be nice, but I'm not putting all of my eggs in this basket. Time went on and I forgot all about this incident, and I went on with my lame day job still keeping my eyes out for others, but getting a little frustrated. Of course being positive Jasmine, I knew something was out there so I forged on. It was a Saturday and I got the first table in my shift at Sullivan's. Sometimes other servers are vicious about getting tables there and I noticed that I got seated again. So I have two tables while no one else has a table and figured this would not turn out well, so I went to the manager and asked if that was someone else's table and he assured me that this gentleman requested me. I look and guess who it was? Yep, the wonderful radio gentleman! He was very excited to see me, explaining he's requested me a number of times, but I was not working, so he was happy I was there. Since the restaurant wasn't busy we were able to really talk and he asked all sorts of questions. What exactly was I doing professionally? What am I looking to do? Telling me the difference between broadcasting and print... Asking what I'm looking to make financially, my background, my skills... It was crazy and I just answered honestly and in a very conversational manner. He gave me his card again and he emphasised I was supposed to be in broadcasting. For someone you hardly know to look inside of you and figure you out realizing your talents is hard to come by. He asked what I would really want to be doing? I of course shared my dreams of television and Harpo and he didn't bash them, but he did say in working in television you do not have the freedom that radio gives you. Television producers will form you into who they want you to be instead of who you are. He told me that he can tell people like who I am and there would be no reason for me to change for anyone. I am unique and the qualities I have are often imitated, but never duplicated, lol! Everyone loves compliments, but that was just beautiful! Seeing as how he was well connected in the business he recommended me to send him my resume and he would in turn give me some contacts in the radio world. Of course I was thrilled because these things don't always tend to happen, at least not for me and this would be a great opportunity, at least knowing someones name to drop. I sent my resume and I quickly got a response saying that we should meet for lunch to discuss further. I was a little hesitant, but I felt there was something good coming for me, I met with with him and he told me the reason for all of his questions was because he had a job opening working for him and thought I'd be perfect. Without my knowledge I was performing an interview and I didn't have to study up on the company or anything. Jasmine alone got me this job and you have no idea how good that feels. I met with him and another gentleman I would be working for and badda bing badda boom I was in. In a matter of a week I was waking up working 8-5, hating my life with a job that wasn't going anywhere- to working 9-5, loving every day, with a CAREER! I am learning so much, I feel great because I have amazing boss's that really teach me and feel I am valuable asset, which makes each day more exciting. What I was lacking was the ability to be creative, challenge myself daily, have a lot of responsibility and it's like I was hand selected for a position that fills all of these. Changes are most certainly happening baby, things are lookin up... and it makes me feel so blessed! The last person that had this position now works for ESPN and who knows where I will be... I just know I'm going to be a big deal, so what out!

Changes....

So I have moved to Chicago... ahh it's soo beautiful! Love everything about it. Whether I'm going to see the Bean or jus discovering new shops on the Magnificent Mile, it is all just wonderful. Finally got a job although it isn't my professional dream, it pays the bills. Sullivan's Steakhouse is the name and it is quite hoity toity, always needing to remember serve from left pick up from the right and stuff like that. I am happy with this job for now because the guests that we serve are prodominately business men, and I'm hoping to make contacts, but who knows, gotta stay chasing the dream! As I was speakin with my friend Foos today I noticed he kept calling me an idealist. Okay so maybe I think Michael Jackson is innocent of these molestation charges and maybe I think OJ did it, but I'm happy they said he was innocent, but I don't think my thoughts are too crazy. I will not stop until I get my dream job and I feel everyone shouldn't stop until they are doing what they absolutely love everyday. I will waitress for now to pay the bills, but I will not be a professional waitress because I know that there is more for me. I moved to Chicago so that I will be closer to the dream of working in broadcast. I would love to work for Harpo, that's my number one, but Tribune, NBC, ABC, CBS are close seconds. I know that one day I will make it there, and it's not a matter of "being lucky", it's a matter of wanting it and I want it BAD! I'm thinking it might be a good idea to start in print before moving to television because getting started somewhere is the key, so I've been applying at different publishing companies and hopefully I will get my start there. I had an interview yesterday with a company called BG&H Publishing and fingers crossed, I get the job there doing editorial research. From there maybe Johnson Publishing company will finally want me and I can say I work for Ebony or Jet (ahhh would be amazing). Then from there you work your way up and boom television. In my eyes this is how it works, but who knows it's possible I might just love print and want to stay there. All I know is there are major changes happening and I am excited about everything that is happening. I will remain positive until my dying day and I am lucky to say that if I died today I would not regret anything and I am happy!

Purpose

Ever really try and think about what our purpose is on this world? I mean not like hmm, what am I doing with my life. I"m talking about like sit in the quiet all alone and really take in everything and wonder why am I here? I do this quite a lot, but did it yesterday. I was half sulking, half just missing my lover because he is in Mexico, but I got home and just reflected. At this point in my life I have truly accomplished so much. I graduated high school, which might not be a big deal, but for a large percentage of people living in the US that is a huge feat. I then moved away from all of my family and friends to south Florida, another accomplishment. At 17 it is hard to leave the safety of your family and a boyfriend who at the time was my world. Graduating college in 4 years is incredibly tough, but I was successful at that also, then bam! It seems like it's over there... I do not like my job, searching for jobs is tough, financially I am frustrated, I feel a bit depressed every day about it. Is this what I was working to get to? I have an incredible love life, incredible friends that I am soo happy I found, my family loves me and that makes me happy, but that isn't life. It seems life has changed from doing what makes you happy to doing what you need to do to survive and it upsets me. As I was sulking yesterday feeling pitiful I thought, is my purpose just to work, make money for my kids and then die? What a life? I am a Christian so I believe God made it so everyone has a purpose and I do think I have one, but I have yet to find it. I do know that everyone I run into I try to positively impact their life. I like to make people happy, whether it's a complement, a gift or a laugh, making people happy is extremely important to me, but how is this going to pay the bills? I am constantly thinking of a way that I can do what I love to do, make people happy, be creative, not need to be too serious and not lose my sense of self, but still make money and be successful. I feel some would say, of course there is a way to do that, but excuse me... I'm right here and I don't see it. I have some talents sure, but like many people our talents need to be put on hold til we have enough money to retire then we can pick them up again. It sucks and I don't think it's fair, but that's life as I know it! So as I think what am I doing here, my answer still remains not sure, but hopefully in the near future I will figure it out.

Found an awesome you tube vid...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

Boredom...

I wish there was a cure for this disease called boredom. I call it a disease because first you get little warning signals (symptoms) that the sickness is coming on. You notice much of your time is being consumed thinking about childhood memories, life goals and aspirations, then boom you have full on boredem. Lucky there is no need for tissues and medicine. You begin to write out all of your finances, what money is coming in what money is going out. Soon the numbers turn into mini pieces of art. The pen you were writing with soon becomes many markers with different colors and then you notice that one piece of paper became numerous pages full of stars, flowers and those old school s's. The drawings stop, then it's time to create your "professional signature". I was once told that if your signature is too perfect it can be easily created by anyone else, so it has to be a little sloppy and something only you can recreate. So once the pen touches the paper many attempts are made at the perfect signature, then you think... Wait what if I get married? My signature will certainly change, so why waste all this time trying to create Jasmine Crawford, when one day it might be Jasmine Kent? I then think to myself, would it be smart to hyphenate my name? Why is it that women have to take the man's last name? No marriages have worked in my family, so what if I go through the whole name changing procedure, finally get my perfect signature, then I get a divorce? Instantly I am full of sorrow wondering why my parents got a divorce. I think of all the "good" times they were together, then I figure out maybe those "good" times really weren't that good. They certainly did love to argue, but they were great parents. I hope I will be a great parent, but before thinking of getting pregnant I must think of getting married. Oooh, what will my engagement ring look like? So then I minimize facebook and MTV and open google. Hmm, gotta have a yellow gold ring, but definitely not a solitare, she will be too lonely sitting there all alone. As I'm trying to pick out the perfect ring there is an ad on the right side about Chris Brown and Rihanna. Oh gosh, what's going on with those two? So boom, I open that window and do a little reading about this troubled couple. What if they aren't that troubled, I suppose this situation could happen to anyone. Haha, that would be funny if someone tried to raise a finger to me though, I can tell you now there would definitely be charges pressed, but that's after I let my daddy know what happened to his baby! So one would think all of this would take much of my day, but then I look at that small clock in the bottom right corner on my monitor and only 15 minutes has passed by. Ahhhh, how I hate boredom!